Well, cancer be damned. I decided to buy back my Hunt Seat horse! He's the one I had to sell in 2008 cuz of stupid fucking cancer! I never knew it at the time but he knew I had cancer and could tell I was in mortal fear of something but didn't know what it was so the only way he could tell me was by being scared too!He's come back to me with some baggage but we're working on more groundwork. He's soo broke under saddle though and I'm looking forward to showing.
However, I still find it hard to be happy/excited about anything. I'm enjoying riding him and like the fact that I may actually have a shot at placing in the Hunt Seat classes this year, but cancer took away my ability to look forward to anything. I live in the moment; whether it's good or bad, I'm there. I suppose in a way, that gives me more equanimity, but it's also rubbish. >:(
"Normal" people can be happy and excited about new beginnings, prospects, "things to do next year" etc., whereas I just hope I survive long enough to do anything!
I also had to sell my beloved VW Bus to buy back my horse (cuz he was more $$ than I had), but my boyfriend wasn't camping much with me in the Bus at all last year and is so busy with his Home reno. business that he wouldn't have time to camp this Summer either! I know he enjoys campfires in our back garden just as much anywyay ;) We can have our "Bus friends" come visit US!
However, it does piss me off when I think that in 2007 (when I first got Max and did very well at the shows), I still had my VW Bus/was enjoying camping in it, enjoying riding and showing Max AND didn't have stupid cancer. Cancer made the situation where I had to sell Max in the first place; made it that I couldn't afford to keep the Bus AND the horse and made it now that I can't see any future.
Fuck! BUT; right here, right now: cancer be damned. It can fuck the fuck off and I'm going to ride my horse...........................
Well, I probably have to sell him now due to the fact that I am poor, but I want to travel to the Uk again and can't have him standing about doing nothing whilst I go gallavanting around the globe ;).
ReplyDeleteI accmomplished what I wanted to with him this time 'round and am not being forced to sell him cuz of stupid cancer. Of course, I might not be so broke had I never had cancer, but because I want to work on my film and travel, I won't have much time to ride anyway. I just hope he goes to someone who can love him and continue his show career :).
But then I spent the Winter in Florida and kept Max at the neighbour's. Just 4 days before he was to return home, he cut his leg open on the neighbour's barbed wire fence :(.
ReplyDeleteSo now he is not for sale cuz he's worthless and I have a huge Vet bill :(.
I didn't want to sell him anyway, but when will the Universe cut me a break?? :/
If I didn't have shit for luck; I'd have no luck at all.
The only good thing is I got to bond with my horse whilst he spent months on stall rest :p. #fail
At least we have a "new" 1972 VW Bus ;)
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